Lizard Tree > French Surrender To Lance Armstrong

French Surrender To Lance Armstrong

PARIS

The Tour de France came to a close in a fashion similar to most tours in the past, an overall winner crosses the finish line in the Yellow cycling jersey to cheers from a large international crowd. This year's race, however, hailed slightly different results. Sources say that the country of France has surrendered to Lance Armstrong, giving him full control over the entire country.

Armstrong was confused by the thousands of white flags that were waving as he finished the final stage. "I'm not sure what country those flags were from, but I've seen them a lot here in France" He was almost unable to cross the finish line, as men crowded the route, attempting to give themselves up to Lance as prisoners. As his confusion wore off, Armstrong seemed ready to give in to the situation, noting his fondness for wine and young maidens.

Armstrong not only shook the French President's hand, but was also allowed to behead him using an 18th Century guillotine.

Although the French have frequently accused Armstrong of using performance-enhancing drugs, they welcome his "new dope" to the country in hopes of making a super army of bike-riding soldiers... who will no doubt capitulate at the first sign of trouble.

The United States presented Armstrong with the Congressional Medal of Honor out of confusion and lack of clarification as to why France gave their country to him. The new French flag has been anticipated to have the Star of Texas on it and a 21-speed bicycle.

Effective immediately, the country will now be called "Lance"... therefore next year's multi-stage bike race will be called the "Tour de Lance."