Kool-Aid Man Eats Subway's JaredLos Angeles, CA
Onlookers were horrified when out-of-work drink mascot Kool-Aid crashed through the wall of a Subway commercial set and ate weight-loss hero Jared. Mark Stanberg, the director of the Subway commercial remembered, "as he licked his fingers ... he washed Jared down with a tall glass of Galactic Berry Blast that he poured out of his own pitcher... Can you imagine? Drinking yourself?!"
Jared's last words, as he was being eaten skinny ass first, were "Heyyyy Koool-Aiiid! ! ! !" After the final gulp, Kool-Aid bellowed, "ooooh, yeaaaah!"
Because Kool-Aid ate Jared during the filming of a new Subway commercial, it is felt that there is no way he can avoid responsibility. Apparently Kool-Aid agreed, because he barged right through the walls of the Los Angeles County Jail and ran straight to Mexico. He has been sighted in Ensenada mixing himself with vodka and chasing frightened children.
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This isn't the first time Kool-Aid has run afoul of the law. Readers may remember the sensational double-homicide trial where Kool-Aid was acquitted of murdering his estranged wife and her boyfriend. Both had been drowned in a sticky red beverage, and Kool-Aid was arrested half-full that same night. In that case, his lawyer's were able to introduce reasonable doubt with a complicated theory involving a Colombian drug cartel and the Hi-C corporation.
