Jesus Signs with Devils

"I was pretty happy with the contract," said Jesus referring to his 5-year, 10-Million-Dollar contract "although I don't know why my agent insisted on a monthly bonus of five-gallons worth of goat's blood."

This will be the third team Jesus has played for in the NHL, having been with the Dallas Stars and the Los Angeles Kings. After a brief stint in the minors, Jesus feels that he's ready to play at a high level again. "Playing hockey is a passion for me," says Christ "skating on ice brings a similar thrill as walking on water."

Although hockey is Christ's common sport of choice, he has also made appearances in many other professional sports realms having been a designated hitter for the Anaheim Angels, a wide receiver for the New Orleans Saints and power forward for the Orlando Magic. "Hockey is my favorite sport, though I feel like I can crush any opponent in any sport." Christ also has a gold medal in the Decathlon from the 1984 Olympics.

Most sport analysts have wondered why Jesus Christ has chosen this day and age to make an impact on the sports realm. His reply: "Because there are too many whining babies out there playing a man's game. The return of Christ is upon you!! Yeah, you better aks somebody. I was blessed to play the game of hockey.... I'd like to thank my dad for giving me the strength to overcome adversity to be the best damn hockey player in the world!!"