Has anyone seen my brain?

Shultz reported his brain missing after 10 hours straight of multiple bong hits and round after round of Street Fighter II on his Sony Playstation. He thinks his brain may be upset with him by not paying more attention to the Brain's feelings. "My brain is so dramatic sometimes, but this time, I must have went overboard."

Friends were surprised to learn that his brain had disappeared as they had noticed no change in his behavior or intelligence. "He's still an idiot" said college roommate Jonathan Hayes. "If you see him, tell him he owes me 5 bucks, that (epithet)."

Police say they will not be able to conduct a search for Shultz's brain until it has been missing for 48 hours. A spokesperson from the ECU Campus Police office had this to say: "Normally, we don't search for individual organs. Usually it's a whole person. We're a bit baffled with our approach to finding a brain if it comes to it. We're crossing our fingers we don't have to begin a search. Brains are gross."

The situation could have been worse, however. Javier Shultz is lucky, as it seems the lower stem of his brain decided NOT to go to lunch, instead choosing to continue sending breathing and blinking instructions. Shultz is currently searching through his things to find a picture of his brain to post on milk cartons if it's necessary.