Company Buys Uncomfortable Massage Chair

CEO, John Haley, in a statement to the press: "I realize that the past several months have been very stressful for all of our employees. Many people were expecting to be millionaires and vice presidents by this time. They are now dealing with the reality that they will be lucky to keep their jobs at all and their stock shares are equivalent to the Vietnamese Dong. I feel their pain, and would like to cordially invite them to take a few minutes to alleviate their stress in this new massage chair."

Jared Renfro, a disgruntled customer service associate, was happy to accept the offer. "Wow!" he marveled, "This chair looks really fancy and luxurious. Finally I will get to feel what it's like to be an executive." After settling back and turning on the chair, Jared remarked, "Oh My God! What was that cracking sound? I can't feel anything below my waist!"

Other employees reported trouble breathing and difficulty walking after the "luxurious" chair's neck rollers dislocated their 3rd or 4th vertebrae.

CEO John Haley: "This and other great ideas, like corporate tug-of-war at the company picnic, are what set us apart from our competition. To all of you, feel the loving hands of your company massaging you into bliss."