Ohhh Noooo! Mr. Bill Goes To Court
Las Vegas, NVMr. Bill, the third-most popular cast member behind John Belushi and Gilda Radner during Saturday Night Live's heyday during the 70's, filed a workers compensation and trademark infringement suit against NBC last week charging the show actively and knowingly committed clay animal abuse and has used his name in new shorts without his permission. The popular clay man and his trusty dog Spot were the targets of physical torture in the hands of Mr. Hands and Mr. Bill's nemesis Sluggo in various hilarious skits of abuse. "I was dismembered, decapitated, flattened, roasted, beaten, mentally abused, poked, spiked, stabbed, and hit. To pour salt on my wounds they made me scream, 'OHHH NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!' all the time. Everyone thought it was funny. I was young and moldable back then and I did whatever the directors told me. Here I am now, with no job, no marketable skills, my clay all crumbly and hard, my arms and legs falling off….and the nightmares man….the nightmares. They will pay." But the show denies any wrongdoing according to the Walter Williams, the show's creator, "The show had a lot of physical comedy. We were always thinking of Mr. Bill. For example, we always had fresh clay to patch Mr. Bill up for retakes when his arms wouldn't pull off cleanly. Sometimes when we tried to pull off his arm, his head would come with it. It was funny."
"Those evil non-clay-based beasts at SNL and NBC have abused my body, my mind, and to top of it all off, they've stolen my name. But what hurts the most is that they've stolen my will to live."
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Mr. Bill also asserts that the new Mr. Bill Does Vegas shorts released recently are not actually of him but of a look-alike. "I don't know who that is but it is plain as clay that he is not me. Look at him then look at me."
