Lizard Tree > Man Enlists In Army After Watching Pauly Shore Movie

Man Enlists In Army After Watching Pauly Shore Movie

Gary, IN

"I used to be afraid of war after watching such films as Platoon, Full Metal Jacket and Saving Private Ryan" says newly-enlisted Private Samuel Pennigan. "If you believe such Hollywood propaganda, you will be misled from what the military is really all about... Slapstick and misadventure." Pennigan was under the impression that war was gruesome and hellish, but after watching Pauly Shore's In the Army Now, his impression had changed dramatically.

Not only did Pennigan share Shore's impression of the Army Reserves, he also followed his enlistment choice by joining the Water Purification squad.

He assured his family and friends that he would be okay during times of war and that he would follow the footsteps of Shore's antics. He promised to avoid being cut down by enemy fire simply by acting like a militaristic boob. "I plan on shooting a bazooka backwards and ruining highly-sensitive tactical operations by telling my superiors to bite me".

"So, I am not enlisting in Stanley Kubrick's army, or Oliver Stone's Army... Those armies are scary. No, I am enlisting in the army of Gomer Pyle... The army of Hawkeye Pierce and B.J. Honeycutt... The army of Bill Murray from Stripes".

"After all, it is well known that any war can be stopped by a couple of classic American cutups tearing through an eastern block country with a couple of bimbos in an armored Winnebago".

"That, my friends, will be me!"