No Missles Found in Iraq, only MistletoeIRAQMilitary forces in Iraq have been working diligently over several months to find the elusive weapons of mass destruction. A lack of results suggests these weapons may not exist. The fact of the matter is these weapons may have never existed. It appears instead that the primary country in the Axis of Evil has been stockpiling weapons of holiday cheer instead. 
"We have come across an arsenal of Mistletoe," states General John Goodworth of the 1st Infantry Division. "We were led to believe we'd find significant inventory of missles and other warheads. We were sorely mistaken."
A large cache of mistletoe, also known as the "Kissing Branch," was found last week during a raid meant to unveil a horde of WMDs. "There's nothing but a bunch of this Holly shit all over the place.... and some tinsel," said Goodworth. "What a goddamn waste of time! Except I did get a big, wet smooch from Corporal Swanson of the 72nd... he's not a bad kisser I tell ya... Oh, but let's keep that between us, OK?" Experts are at a loss to explain the proliferation of mistletoe. Donald Rumsfeld, when asked during today's press conference had this reply: "Did Saddam intend to turn all our service people into make-out artists and drain their fighting ability? Definitely... Did he succeed? Partially... Am I just a mummy kept alive by an ancient curse? You bet!" 
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