Lizard Tree > Hussein May Have Been Planning Christmas Heist

Hussein May Have Been Planning Christmas Heist

IRAQ

Saturday December 13, 2003: U.S. Troops conducted a raid on Ad Dawr outside of Tikrit, which netted deposed despot Saddam Hussein. Since then, officials have been poring over the items found with Hussein to try and figure out what pernicious scheme he was hatching when caught.

When Hussein was captured, he was sporting a long grey beard and was found with a dirty, red "jolly outfit." Also found was a map of the world, with the word "WHOVILLE" written in red crayon over the continental U.S. In a fenced off area of the squalid compound there was a mangy dog with what appeared to be reindeer antlers tied to his head. While some soldiers found the appearance of this to be comical, with the dog barely able to stand up under the weight, others pointed out that this is right in line with Hussein's lack of compassion for all creatures. Adding to their disgust was the discovery of a huge sleigh, with a small harness, presumably for the dog.

"As crazy as this sounds," postulates Col. Jim Hickey of the 4th Infantry Division "I believe Hussein was planning to pose as Santa Claus and steal all the Christmas presents from the United States. He kept mumbling about having a 'wonderful idea... A wonderful, awful idea.' Then some nonsense about who-pudding and roast beast. Frankly, I think he underestimated the amount of consumerism in America. He couldn't even fit MY christmas presents in that sleigh!"