Ask a Punch-Drunk Boxer
Dear Punch-Drunk Boxer,
I've been thinking about getting into the boxing circuit. I've been working hard and I think I'll be really successful. Do you have any advice for a young boxer like myself?
Signed,
Dear Rookie, Was that the bell? Coach! Was that the bell? Stand me up! I'll go defensive for this round. What round is it? I swear, just pick me up and I can balance OK. I'll go straight into the corner. This guy's out of gas. Where's my wife? What do you mean I'm not married. You guys are all fired! C'mere.. Why I oughta!
Signed,
Dear Punch-Drunk Boxer, I fear that my wife is cheating on me. There are lots of unexplained phone calls late at night. Also, our sex life has all but disappeared. She has recently been inventing more and more excuses to leave for the weekend to visit her sister in Cleveland. Am I being paranoid?
Sincerely,
Dear Mike, Coach, I see three of them... three of them! What? Punch the one in the middle? You got it, Coach. No, holy crap... my eye's swelling shut. Not now dammit! I'm getting my second wind... my second wind! Don't throw in the towel yet Coach, it's just a minor cut. I can still see outta my left eye.
Signed,
Dear Punch-Drunk Boxer, I just received a traffic violation for speeding and running a red light. Should I pay the fines or go to traffic school?
Love,
Dear Wreckless, Whaddya mean my right arm is broken?? Forget it. Saw it off! I'll go south-paw. He won't see that coming. If I don't win this fight I'll never be able to put a roof on the orphanage where I was raised. God bless Father Quigley for caring for those poor orphans.. Yeah, I'm crying! So what. Saw off that arm, let's go!
Signed,
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