Ask Santa Claus
Dear Santa Claus,
My friends at school think you're not real. They told me you're just maked up. Is this true?
Sincerely,
Dear Billy, I'll be real enough when I stealthily sneak into your friends' houses and put a reindeer head in bed with them! How dare they doubt me! I'm Santa Dammit!!!
Ho Ho Ho!
Dear Santa Claus, Last year I asked you for an XBOX but all I got was a plastic fire truck and mittens. What did I do wrong???
Sincerely,
Dear Peter, Your family is poor. Perhaps if your dad didn't drink so much beer, or your mother earned better tips for her lap dancing, they could afford to pay Santa for an XBOX.
Love,
Dear Santa Claus, I saw you at the Village Mall this weekend and you didn't remember my name from last year. Do you still like me?
Love,
Dear Sarah, No... no, I don't - Santa Dear Santa Claus, For Christmas this year, I want a Batman Action Figure, a Dinosaur puzzle set, a Randy Moss Jersey and a DVD Player.
Signed,
Dear Kevin, Holy Shit, kid! Who do you think I am, Jesus? Maybe you should think about getting a job so you can buy those things yourself you greedy bastard.
Later,
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