Bush Sends Girl Scouts to Iraq
Washington, D.C.
Ending months of speculation about how he will conduct the war in Iraq without a general draft, President Bush mobilized the Girl Scouts of America.
"These young girls are true heroes," praised Bush. "Most people only see them once a year when it's cookie time. But Uncle Sam sees them as our last great chance to win in Iraq."
When asked for a reaction, Girl Scouts CEO Kathy Cloninger remarked, "I am stunned by this decision. However, the girls are very excited about missing school and not selling cookies for a year. The parents aren't as excited, as you can imagine." Asked how this move might affect recruiting of new girl scouts, Cloninger responded, "it can't help."
Before shipping to Iraq, the new 15,000 strong division will report to Fort Irwin in the Mojave desert for training in urban warfare. After two weeks, the girls will be able to navigate using only a map and compass, drive Abrams tanks, and will be well versed in non-lethal crowd control tactics.
Asked by reporters if this move might not seem just a little desperate, Bush responded "Osama bin Laden Saddam Hussein 9/11!" and then covered his ears and went "LALALALALALA!"