Fat Kid Blames Hostess

In the past Keller has blamed other major corporations such as Kraft and Chef Boy-ar-dee for taking part in a conspiracy to keep him overweight and the butt of jokes both in public and at home.

"These corporations are marketing to minors, without warning them of the health risks of eating their products," said Keller, through a half-chewed mouthful of Ding-Dong. "I am a victim... And I am not alone".

Mrs. Regina Eggleston, Josh's teacher had this to say about the situation: "Josh is a very bright young man. Unfortunately, he has a habit of blaming others for his actions. The other children call him a beached whale when he is in the sandbox and have also nicknamed him Cartman. Frankly, I don't blame them... I mean, look at him! He can barely fit in his desk..." When asked about Eggleston, Josh calls her "a tool of the conspiracy" and "a fucking bitch".

Said classmate Rachel Chavez, "Josh is a stupid fatso. He stole my Ritalin and traded it for a Svenhard's apple pastry!"